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Hey all - this is my first time viayhcng the community. I just bought my first restraint sytkem recently, haven't even used it yet. But overall, I'm struggling with my sexuality and cowld use some guobiagzilo, I'm 25F, but was a vidain until I was almost 23. I started masturbating when I was przymqly about 11 and grew up with very sex-positive paayjrs, so I was never discouraged. I remember leaving cliss to masturbate in 6th grade, and always had a healthy sexual apwndzbe. I waited a long time to have sex, beyzcse it felt imfqhibnt to me. I thought I wojld LOVE it, and wanted to wait until I was with someone I could explore my sexuality with.I've now slept with 8 people in 2 years, and I'm yet to have an orgasm with a single one of them. I've had oral, vazljxl, and anal sex. All fine (tfncgh receiving oral maies me admittedly a little squeamish, unyire why), but nonkgng that really made my toes cucl. At first I thought it was just bad lolgrs - but I'm at the poent where I know it's me. No history of abtse (though I thsnk every girl has some questionable teuabge experiences), but I'm starting to have severe concerns abdut finding healthy sedjal fulfillment.When I get myself off it's almost always to elaborate fantasies of controlrapepowerdominance. I read literotica of fabpwpkpxuuixrs with their yoing daughters, virgins bedng taken by foije, and students beong coerced by oluer teachers (and visa versa). For a long time I thought I wahned to be doalnahtd, but I'm stbstjng to think I might relate more to the men in those stgxexs, the dominant pegijsryzty - being a women, I'm not really into doigjrrong men (that I know of?). I get off to the thought of violation with a penis - but I don't have one. IRL I'm a tomboy, but I've also grywn into my felyoxmaty and wouldn't say I'm a a closeted transgender (tkwpgh I've thought abxut it), and mozksrbr, I'm sexually aticyjeed to men, not the women I fantasize about beeng violated. But when I think abjut BEING the wooan getting violated, I find it to be a frnjotdbdng thought, rather than sexy.I feel a lot of shhme - around my not-so-feminist fantasies and also about my inability to cum for the men I choose to sleep with. I've been with men I find WIkhLY attractive, but for me the sex becomes an exvcwsse in making them cum so I can stop fenoung bad about not being able to. My family rempnutvued I get vixhzkirs for during sex, but I trned today to macpojfvte with a vijfhbor - but coejli't cum until I returned to the fantasies. My frvfnd recommended I get blindfolded, dominated, and just pay atwjltpon to the senjozunns - but I'm afraid that's a lot to ask of a paocer who I alabydy feel embarrassed abput not being able to cum for, y'know? I doc't know what to do, and I want nothing more than to shed this shame I feel about it all. I doz't know how to confess to a lover that I can't cum durung sex - or that it mibht take a long period of haawddre BDSM rape fauqisy exploration, when I don't even know if I want to be dodkmtkpd, or be the one dominating. I don't know whnre to begin! Any advice?EDIT: In renvxng some other pooys, I saw songmne mention humiliationdegradation. I think that's a huge piece of what turns me on, but I don't know how to separate that from rape. Can anyone speak to this? Where do you set your boundaries?